I didn't write this poem when I was going through a breakup— but I believe that it portrays the feeling one gets when it does. This is a good example of one of my six lined poems— even though the rhyming scheme isn't the way my others are. I particulary like the way I tie the end of one line logically with the next. I'm really proud of this fact— so much so that I attempted this technique in future poems as well.
Without my love my body weeps
within my soul my heart sleeps
Awakened again by cold pain
my body shivers without restrain
I hold my head still to hear a sound
but I only discover there's no one around
I've found my place, I've won no race
I only wish they'd see my space
So who's to say I can't go on
my love is gone… I'm not the one
cj85'
11 comments:
Very nice. I love a good sad poem! : )
This is really well done. IT really portrays the heartache of a loss. Thanks for sharing it.
You are really good!
Is it easier to write about a break up when you're not going through one?
How did you write about something that you didn't go through? I think it represents heartaches very well.
That's such a great poem and I'm glad you didn't even have to experience the breakup to be able to get the emotions of one. Awesome. :)
Thats great. And really impressive since you werent feeling heartache at the time.
A sad poem with a rolling along sense to it.
I like it, very nicely done!
wait-- 6 lines? i count 5 (or is it 10)? they are couplets (sp?), right?
i love it. it's simple and easy to follow, but darkly descriptive. heart pain= physical pain. so true, so true.
CaJoh,
That is a beautiful poem!
Jeanne
Smooth! Are you sending any of these off so you can win millions in those poetry contests out there?
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