A Gift and a Grail

I would like to thank Crash @ Crash Test Dummy Diaries for her words of wisdom:

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AloooooohHA everyone!

(That’s how we say it Hawaii).

I’m the Crash Test Dummy and I used to be coming at you from an island far, far away, before my husband kidnapped me and my four kids and forced us at gunpoint to move to Utah. I’m actually using a paper clip to scratch this message out on the wall in my basement because I’m still tied up and waiting for someone to come up with the ransom money.

I hope the economy turns around soon.

Despite the difficult circumstances I’ve been excited to speak to you today from CaJoh’s corner— nervous too though because he’s just like a life size Yoda. Am I right? Or am I right? I realize that you all probably come here to soothe your souls and to glean wisdom and understanding. That’s a lot of pressure for a dummy like me so I’ve been wracking my brain trying to think of something entertaining, yet inspiring to talk about. Being that it’s April Fools I thought of telling practical joke stories, but my dad was buried on April Fools Day exactly 28 years ago—which at the time seemed like the ultimate practical joke from the ultimate practical joker—but it just wasn’t that funny. Or inspiring.

You get me?

To shake off my nerves maybe I’ll just close my eyes and pretend I’m at the pulpit in church and that you’re all sitting in the audience naked.

Or maybe I’ll just pretend I’m giving a motivational speech from my van down by the river.

Or maybe I’ll just pretend this message was brought to you by the Universe and I’m just the messenger.

Allow me to begin this message by borrowing a phrase from the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince:

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to get through this thing called life…

Anyone who reads my blog regularly knows I believe that everyone is sent to this life with two things—a gift and a grail—and that our only task is to share our gift and find our grail.

Sometimes using your gift will help you find your grail and sometimes your grail will help you share your gift.

Your grail is something only YOU can do—unless you decide you don’t want to do it, in which case the next available gifted person will step up and fulfill your destiny.

Your gift is something YOU can do better than anybody else. It takes time and effort to figure out what you’re better at than anybody else, but it’s such a rush when you finally have your epiphany.

I’ll never forget the moment I realized that I am the best dyslexic map reader in the history of the world. I was in Washington D.C. at the time—alone and unaware of where I was wandering. But I learned something about myself that day. I learned that if my gut tells me to go left, I should go right. It works every time.

Sometimes the best way to figure out where something is located is by figuring out where it’s not located. If you ever need someone to tell you where something is not located in Washington D.C. I’m your dummy.

The Phillips Collection is not located in Dupont circle, (but there’s a great little falafel joint where you can sit outside in the rain and cry and pretend you’re in Paris all by yourself.) And anyway, the Phillips collection is way overpriced and over rated. If you want to see your favorite Renoir paintings by all means go to the National Gallery of Art, which is not located on Independence Avenue.

Also, the Crowne Plaza Hamilton Hotel is not located on E Street and 13th. (I just thought you should know in case you happen to be staying there. I’m thoughtful that way.)

In conclusion, I’m so thankful I could share my gift with all of you today and I would like to encourage all of you to get out there and FIND YOUR GRAIL!

But if by chance you can’t find it, please let me know and I will be happy to tell you where it isn’t.