Friday, January 9, 2009

Without my love

I didn't write this poem when I was going through a breakup— but I believe that it portrays the feeling one gets when it does. This is a good example of one of my six lined poems— even though the rhyming scheme isn't the way my others are. I particulary like the way I tie the end of one line logically with the next. I'm really proud of this fact— so much so that I attempted this technique in future poems as well.

Without my love my body weeps
within my soul my heart sleeps

Awakened again by cold pain
my body shivers without restrain

I hold my head still to hear a sound
but I only discover there's no one around

I've found my place, I've won no race
I only wish they'd see my space

So who's to say I can't go on
my love is gone… I'm not the one



Sarah's Blogtastic Adventures said...

Very nice. I love a good sad poem! : )

Llama Wanderings said...

This is really well done. IT really portrays the heartache of a loss. Thanks for sharing it.

Kristen said...

You are really good!
Is it easier to write about a break up when you're not going through one?

Mama Wheaton said...

How did you write about something that you didn't go through? I think it represents heartaches very well.

Anonymous said...

That's such a great poem and I'm glad you didn't even have to experience the breakup to be able to get the emotions of one. Awesome. :)

Denise @ Sunflowers, Chocolate and Little Boys said...

Thats great. And really impressive since you werent feeling heartache at the time.

Lee said...

A sad poem with a rolling along sense to it.

Wendyburd1 said...

I like it, very nicely done!

Deb said...

wait-- 6 lines? i count 5 (or is it 10)? they are couplets (sp?), right?

i love it. it's simple and easy to follow, but darkly descriptive. heart pain= physical pain. so true, so true.

Jeanne said...


That is a beautiful poem!


B said...

Smooth! Are you sending any of these off so you can win millions in those poetry contests out there?

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